Three years ago tonight - my daughter received her first insulin shot. Not a day or even a stretch of more than a few hours has ever passed since that she hasn't needed constant needle injections/ or her pump or finger pokes. And while this saves her- and we are ever grateful- this disease has changed our lives forever.
Every day - she is strong -Still, she calculates her foods - changes her injection sites - pokes her fingers - wears her CGM- fights mood swings - highs and lows or battles some type of diabetic situation.
And yet, it's normal, our new normal. She has such a great attitude and she just does what needs to be done while doing her best to inspire others to do the same. This is a family disease- I wish I were as strong as she is.
So one night- November 22nd- I find myself just being a mom who cries for her baby. My heart remains tender and I never want it to harden. So I allow myself - this day to grieve - to imagine her without diabetes - to remember her before diabetes.
Never once am I ungrateful of what a gift she has - insulin - tools- and the will to fight but I am her mom and since she is my baby- I allow myself to be vulnerable even if just for a moment.
Tomorrow - back to "normal." Tonight I just may cry.